Introduction: The Weight of the Journey
When you decide to pursue becoming a living kidney donor, the process is incredibly thorough—and rightfully so. Each phone call, each email with test results, carries a profound weight.
You’re hopeful you can help, but you’re also keenly aware that you’re volunteering for major surgery. It’s a journey filled with excitement, fear, and deep emotional uncertainty.
This is the second post in my four-part kidney donation series, sharing my real-life experience of becoming a donor.
➡️ Want the whole story? Click here to read all four parts in one place.
A Rollercoaster of Emotion
I remember this period vividly. The testing process was long, detailed, and at times overwhelming. There were moments when I desperately wanted the results to confirm I was a match and could move forward—and then, almost immediately, fear would creep in.
Suddenly, I’d find myself wishing to be disqualified as a donor, so I could step away without feeling like I had quit. The thought of surgery, recovery, and what it could mean for my future health—however small the risks—was heavy.
“At one moment I wanted the results to come back as a match, and the next minute I wanted to be disqualified as a donor. My emotions had me all over the place! I was excited; I was afraid; but most of the time I didn’t really know what I felt.”
This part of my kidney donation journey taught me that obedience doesn’t always come with calm. Sometimes faith grows best in the space between yes and the outcome.
Recognizing the Root of Fear
Eventually, I had to be completely honest with myself about the source of my anxiety.
It wasn’t about the tests or even the surgery—it was about control.
I was afraid of the unknown. Afraid of what I couldn’t manage. Afraid to let go of the outcome.
I realized I was focusing too much on what I might lose—my kidney, my health, my sense of control—rather than the immense gift I was being allowed to give.
It was during one particularly fearful Wednesday that I reached a turning point. I surrendered my worries to God, choosing to trust the path I had felt so strongly called to take.
“He assured me that He was in control and I could have peace and rest in that. I can tell you that since that fearful Wednesday, I haven’t felt that fear or anxiety again! Praise God!”
Faith That Frees: 1 Corinthians 6:19–20
In that moment of surrender, a verse I’d read many times before came alive:
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.”
— 1 Corinthians 6:19–20
Those words reframed everything. My life, my health, my body—they are not mine to cling to, but gifts entrusted to me for God’s purposes.
That realization brought a peace that went deeper than logic. It carried me through the rest of the testing, the scheduling, and all the way to the morning of the operation.
To walk into such a life-changing moment with that kind of calm was nothing short of divine.
🌸 Gratitude That Replaces Fear
When I look back, I see that what happened in my heart was a powerful exchange: fear for faith, anxiety for gratitude.
I began to see this not as a frightening medical procedure, but as an amazing adventure with God—a story He was writing through my simple obedience.
The fear that once felt paralyzing was replaced by thankfulness for the opportunity to participate in a miracle.
That peace remains one of the greatest gifts of my life.
💬 Thinking About Becoming a Living Kidney Donor?
The path to living kidney donation can be emotionally challenging—but you don’t walk it alone. It’s completely normal to feel fear or uncertainty.
If you’d like to talk through the emotional or spiritual side of being a living kidney donor—or ask about my experience—please email me directly or send me a DM. 🌿
And if you’d like to learn more about becoming a donor, visit the National Kidney Donation Organization page.